Mismatched Sex Lives Lead to Divorce

 Posted on July 28, 2013 in Divorce

There are several reasons to get divorced. There are money issues, varying degrees of interest in starting a family, arguments about lifestyles and social events, and differences regarding where to live and what expectations are of a spouse. And yet there's one disagreement in which it's more difficult to find compromise than the rest—regarding each other's sexual preferences. According to Psychology Today, if "two people in a monogamous relationship are not in agreement on sexual matters—when to have it, where to have it, or how to have it—there is rarely a satisfactory compromise," unlike other arguments that can often be resolved with a little give and take on both sides. 

Isadora Alman, writing for Psychology Today, says that at least to her, the obvious solution would seem to be to advise the members of the disagreeing couple to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere, rather than trying to change something so deeply engrained. However, simple as this solution may seem on paper, "sadly, this is not a solution that works for many, if any," she says. While "a preference for a certain amount of sex at certain times and in particular ways can be modified by an act of will—sometimes," according to Alman, sometimes people in disparate relationships such as this need to seek what they crave elsewhere—even if they decide to remain monogamous. A need to be touched, for example, can be soothed by children, an affectionate pet, or massages. "One's partner does not have to satisfy all the person's emotional needs nor does sex have to carry the total burden of their expression," according to Alman.

And yet there may be some recourse for couples with mismatched sexual libidos and lifestyles, according to Alternet.org. One thing to try is to rethink the "circumstances in which you have sex," according to Alternet. "Look at the times and the circumstances when you've been having sex… and then look at the times and circumstances when you want to have sex. Then try to tailor your sex life around the times and situations when you're feeling frisky."

Even with attempting to make changes such as this, many couples will find that their mismatched sexual lifestyles make their marriage incompatible as well. If you or someone you know is considering divorce because of a mismatched sex life, don't go through it alone. Contact a dedicated Texas family law attorney today.